My bilateral mastectomy was in theory, going to be done followed by an immediate reconstruction, and I would be done with surgery entirely.  I would go into surgery with my breasts and emerge with reconstructed breasts.  This went to plan during my 8 hour surgery.  What did not were the days that followed.  

My skin on my new right breast begun to turn a deep purple and slowly turned to black.  My skin was dying.  I was taken back to the operating room to remove the dead skin in an attempt to save my reconstructed breast.  This first operation seemed to be a success.  7 days later I was back again the in the operating room to remove more dead skin that failed to survive.  I was placed on antibiotics to hopefully prevent any infections from taking hold on my very delicate, almost transparent skin stretched over a bulging breast implant.  

11 days later in was admitted to the ICU for a massive infection and informed that I had developed sepsis.  Massive amounts of IV antibiotics were flowing through my body, and not having the desired effects.  More were added.  My breast implant was removed in a surgery with me awake and fully aware of what was happening.  

The days all blurred together, I was too weak to do more than sleep.  Finally, the massive amounts of antibiotics started to work, and 6 days later I was sent home with a PICC line so I could receive twice daily antibiotic infusions as a outpatient.  

Once home and no longer under the care of the amazing nurses for my wound care, I was forced to face the reality of what I was left with.  The results reduced me to tears and horror.  One fully reconstructed breast.  One concave, gaping wound that encompass all of the right side of what should have been a breast mound. Over the next few months, I developed pain and an infection in my left reconstructed breast, ultimately needing to have it removed.

Here I was, boob-less, trying to recover physically and desperately trying to hold it all together…..all while trying to accept my new body.

This was when I realized this was going to be a very long road to rebuild myself emotionally and physically.  The one challenge I never saw coming, was how to dress myself with my newfound figure.  

I always loved fashion and enjoyed finding clothing that had made me feel feminine and confident in. I had been at a place in my life that I felt like I nailed my style. Now that too was taken from me.

 Now here I was with breast-less, trying to figure out my new sense self and how on earth to find clothing to not look terrible in.   After over a decade of fashion fails and  fashion mishaps, I have a vast amount of successes in curating outfits. Finding brands that consistently deliver and flatter.  Follow to see what I wear when I want to wear my boobs, aka, prothesis and great flat options.  And yes, bathing suits and bras to LOVE and feel kick ass in. 

Over the next several blog posts I will be sharing my clothing finds from bras to bathing suits and everything in between. Also some clothing tricks I learned along the way. 

I am here to share my story and walk with you on your own journey, back to your beautiful self post mastectomy.

Cheering for you, 

Christa xo

This was my first event “breast-less”